Sex work and vaginismus: incompatible?

Have you ever heard about the word:  Vaginismus? Probably not... Even myself, a few days ago, I did not know what this word meant... until I met (during my short weekend in Paris) a good friend of mine who actually has vaginismus.
We had not met for months and of course, seeing her again was a lovely time for me. We talked about many different topics and of course, about sex...  She explained me how difficult it was for her to find love... mainly because of her vaginismus problem. That's when I got to know what vaginismus is.

Vaginismus: the pain of penetration

Here is what she said to me: "You know Janet, I don't have to have a sex life like everyone else's to enjoy it." That's where I got a bit confused as, I will not imagine my life without sex...

My friend Aurore has a body which automatically reacts to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration. Her vaginal muscles tighten up and she has no control over it. She actually finds sex painful and fears the penetration.

Even when she has her period, she finds it hard inserting a tampon, struggles to have sex and systematically feel a boring or stinging pain.

Aurore suffers from vaginismus, which is an involuntary muscle spam that occur during penetration. The tightening of the muscles is what causes the searing pain. The muscle responsible for involuntary contraction is the pubococcygeus muscle, which is responsible for urine control, contracting during orgasm and pushing a new-born out.

Vaginismus has a big emotional bearing on my friend's relationships. She feels afraid that partners maybe think she isn't in love with them or not physically attracted to them (which is not the case of course) or that she is asexual. She already went through several treatments for vaginismus which include psychosexual therapy, hypnosis and relaxation techniques but nothing worked on her. Aurore even had prescribed vaginal trainers, these are smooth tampon-shaped objects, that come in different widths that make you get used to having something in your vagina. Nothing really worked for her.

How to react as a man facing a woman with vaginismus?

Gentlemen do you think that your girlfriend or your wife may have vaginismus?

Well, if it is the case, touch her genitals gently so she will get used to your fingers being around her vagina. It will probably take a lot of time before she feels comfortable enough to be penetrated with a finger...
When you reach a stage where you want to try sexual intercourse, take things very slowly and don't rush anything. Why? Because painful sex is distressing and can result in the complete loss of sexual interest, relationship problems and even affect one’s mood...

Sex industry and vaginismus

Are you a girl who wants to get into sex work but has vaginismus?

If you are a lady with vaginismus considering starting sex work, you should know that both terms are not incompatible. Indeed, sex work isn’t solely about intercourse and can take many forms.

For instance, you could choose to offer only erotic massages, which are in high demand by more and more clients, especially Tantra and Nuru massages. Alternatively, you could also consider becoming a stripper or an exotic dancer or including into your services some special ones that involve dancing (such as the Strip-Show for instance) while sexually pleasuring your clients, without any intercourse.

Engaging in webcam performing and having men paying you watch you getting into in sexual acts or conversations could be another form of sex work. The same goes for being a sex operator and providing erotic conversations over the phone, engaging in fantasy and role-play with clients. Another idea – which may not be for everyone - is to become a Dominatrix. These sex workers are often highly specialized and cater to specific fetishes or desires, including BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism) services, which may or may not include sexual contact.

As you can see, there are many options for you to overcome your vaginismus while still being active as a sex worker. Above all, do not let yourself be held back in your desires and goals: every problem/obstacle always ends up finding its solution.
 
Janet - The Velvet Rooms 

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